Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
no you cant smoke seaweed
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
