you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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