We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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