I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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