Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
