At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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