lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
