She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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