forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
