i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
