Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
