so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
