allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
