I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
