Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
