Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
