i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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