I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
