you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
