A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
