Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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