Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
