AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
