i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
