I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wear drunk well.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
