it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
