Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
