I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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