He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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