you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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