I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
