woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
