I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
