I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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