I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
