I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
