I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
