he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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