what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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