you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
