glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
