I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
