My first STD was from a foam party
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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