whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
