Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
