I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
