Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
