I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
they need to just BURY HIM!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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