Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Terrible idea I love it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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