Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
