you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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