he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
